She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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