You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
