Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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