Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
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