break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
