did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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