Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
