What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
