You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
