I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
