HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
