i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Randomize
