I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
