I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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