If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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