I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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