I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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