We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
