the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
