There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
