Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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