and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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