All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
