Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize