I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
