You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize