Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
