i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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