Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I just had sex on a roof
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize