I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
