I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
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