I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
