I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
