Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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