Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
