She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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