i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
