I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
