so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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