how can u be prego again
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize