if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
