oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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