i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
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