Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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