and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
