I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Damn victory sex feels great
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
