my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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