I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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