two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
