the day after is always just damage control
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize