I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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