I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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