I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
