everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
