Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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