I don't think brook has ever known best
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
