grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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