Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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