I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Randomize
