She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
