I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
