The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize