Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
