Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
